Lesson learned:- It’s just an exam, Life is beyond it!
A few days back SSC board result got declared and my mind peeped into the past. My memories got refreshed by my school days, especially exam days of 10th std. I recalled the things how I used to get appreciated by teachers, how all my teachers loved me.
During our school days, many things happen to us. But we don’t forget those incidents which impact us deeply, do we? Moreover, we remember every minute detail of such moments. One of the such incidents which impacted me profoundly is the 10th std board exam. During those days I used to live with Malati Behere Aaji. I used to call her Aaji(in English it’s grandma). I used to live with Aaji as a domestic helper. But Aaji and her daughter Sarita treated me as a family member.
It was the first day of my board exam. Aaji woke up a little bit early than her daily routine. She prepared rice for me and asked to have Curd rice before appearing for the exam. But I was feeling so anxious. I was not feeling like having anything. I took a little as Aaji was insisting to have at least something. But really, I was not feeling to have that also. Aaji understood the situation she asked me to leave it if I don’t want. Aaji’s wish was to drop me at the exam center on the first day. Then we all 4- Aaji, Sarita Didi, the Driver uncle, and I traveled to my exam center. On that day I could feel the love of Aaji and Aaji’s best wishes for my welfare. I checked the classroom as per my roll number. Then after spending 10–15 minutes with me and wishing me for the exam they left.
As soon as the bell rang for entering into exam hall, my heart started beating at high speed. I entered the exam hall and had a little water. I was going through so much anxiety I have never gone through before. I was feeling so much pressurized. The supervisor distributed Marathi subject question papers and answer booklets. My hand was shivering a lot. I hold the pen to write the answer. But my hand was shivering too much that I was unable to write a single letter. The supervisor saw me. I started crying as time was passing and I was unable to write a single word. Fortunately, the supervisor was nice. She asked me to sit on another bench and she gave me water to have. I had water. 30 min passed and my condition started to become normal. I calm down a little. After that I was able to write, still, my hand was shivering but I was able to manage writing in bad handwriting. I aimed to just complete the paper at that moment. I increased my writing speed also. But unfortunately, I couldn’t complete the paper and the bell rang. It was time to collect paper. The supervisor collected my paper too.
I was about to cry. I was so angry with myself. I came out of the classroom and threw my writing pad and paper away and started crying a lot. The entire crowd was looking at me. At that time I was not in conscious, I was not caring what the crowd would think of me. I was just thinking that I couldn’t complete today’s Marathi paper in which I was good. I was feeling so helpless and hopeless. I wanted to share this incident with one of my close teachers Shubha Mam.
My brother Mohan, who is younger than me by one year, both we were in the same school and class. At that time he used to live with our parents.
He was trying to console me and taking me home. But I was crying like a little child. Finally, he got ready to come with me to school. The distance between the exam center and our school was 4km. We covered this distance by walking. And the entire journey I was crying and telling him what happened in the classroom. With this discussion, we reached our school.
Many teachers were asking me what had happened. I requested to call Shubha Mam who was the vice principal of the school at that time and was very close to me. She came to see me and I shared everything that had happened. She put all her efforts to make me calm down. After 30–45 minutes of discussion, Mohan and I left from there. While coming home I was thinking of the future. What if the same thing happened tomorrow as well, what if I lose my 1st rank, what if I don’t get admission to a good college, what if I don’t get the job, and so on so. An unbreaking chain of questions was going through my mind.
I am damn sure you might be laughing at me for what I did at the exam center. Even there is a smile on my face while recalling those moments and writing this article.
So, what were the reasons for becoming so much pressurized? The reasons were, till 9th std I was securing the first rank in my school and I didn’t want to lose that. And expectations from teachers, Aaji, and my parents overburdened me. I didn’t want to disappoint them. My aim of becoming financially independent with a better job. Moreover, I was bombarded with suggestions that if one does well in 10th std then the further journey will be very smooth. It becomes easy to get admission to any well-known college and campus placement etc.
Let’s come to the 2nd day of my exam, I managed to complete the paper though I was stressed, but less compared to the 1st day. And this way exam got over. I was eagerly waiting for the result. I was also scared a little. Except for the first paper, I performed well in all other subjects. And finally, the day came of the result. I had secured 2nd rank. I checked my Marathi subject score(the first paper). Though I could not cover the entire paper, I scored decent marks. My teachers and parents were so happy. Aaji was feeling so proud of me. Now Aaji is no more with us. But I still remember her life lessons which help me taking any decision.
Now today when I look back and ask myself what were the mistakes I did during school days. I get clear answers, that I was hungry for scores rather than hungry for Knowledge, I was trying to seek appreciation and respect, maybe from my parents, teachers, or who knows me rather than giving my best and being self-satisfied. As I started to read self-developmental, spirituality-related books and practice meditation, I am revealing myself more. It also changed my perspective towards looking at the world and the things I do.
Now I am financially independent with a good job, enjoying what I am doing, and following my passions of writing blogs, traveling, and dancing. I am confident and ready to accept any challenge and learn new skills.
My experience shows that the exam for which I got under too much pressure was just a part of my life. After 11–12th and the first year of graduation, no one asked for my 10th marks. Moreover, Scores and Colleges play roles up to a certain extent only. They can’t define the destiny of our life.
A few of my close friends/colleagues who had scored very poorly not only in 10th std but also in graduation are still performing well in their careers.
My sincere advice to students would be to study hard, give your best and leave the rest to the Universe/God. Nowadays, as the digital industry is growing, more opportunities are also available. You can keep on trying the things which you found interesting. You can try another thing if you are not good at one.
We see cases of committing suicide after getting failure. The lesson for them is Life is beyond it. YOU are the most important! Keep learning and enjoy the process!
I would be glad if my experience help students to understand the importance of their life and if their perspective changed looking towards exams!
